• Gust@piefed.socialEnglish
    18·
    1 day ago

    The best sex I’ve ever had was with a woman who regularly (temporarily) cockblocked herself by making me laugh so hard I couldn’t stay hard

    • Almacca@aussie.zoneEnglish
      4·
      9 hours ago

      A partner and I once got into an uncontrollable giggling fit when I referred to sex as ‘thrusty cuddles’.

      I had a similar response at a Maria Bamford show I went to earlier in the year when she said “I like it when he puts his dingle in my wet plop.”

      And now I’m giggling again.

      • Gust@piefed.socialEnglish
        4·
        7 hours ago

        The one I remember most clearly is like… sorry in advance for tmi. Do not continue reading if you dont want to read a sex story

        So we tended to do a decent amount of foreplay, and this night it was really hot and heavy. She was really seductively trying to get me to say I needed to be inside her, and we were on that line of fooling around for a while in a way we were both really into. At one point I’m on my back and she’s teasing me while straddling me, and I finally give in and tell her I need her. What does she do? Gives me the most Samuel Jackson ass expression she can muster and a “shit negro, that’s all you had to say!” I almost died laughing

        • Almacca@aussie.zoneEnglish
          1·
          2 hours ago

          Good story.

          If you’re not capable of having a good laugh in a sex session, you’re doing it wrong. If the situation in the OP happened to me, I’d have cracked up, and probably fallen a little bit more in love.

    • ameancow@lemmy.worldEnglish
      6·
      13 hours ago

      I can’t understand how people take sex so seriously, it’s a silly act, it’s like horseplay or dancing, you need to relax and have fun.

      It’s wild to me seeing so many youtube chuds and reddit posts talking about sex like it’s the most challenging game and the hardest level to beat in a video game. Fuck, even if it was a hard level in a video game it would be more enjoyable.

      I don’t get how you can enjoy it if you can’t laugh with your partner or if you’re always thinking about your image or worried about your belly fat or your hair or your “frame” or “SMV” and all this other INSANE bullshit young people are self-flagellating with.

      No wonder our population is crashing, we’ve let horny 14-year-olds who never had sex dictate the tone and attitude towards our most important act as a species.

      • Gust@piefed.socialEnglish
        1·
        6 hours ago

        I think the problem is less horny 14yos and more the fact that they listen to scum like Andrew Tate or the Paul brothers growing up. I see so many teenagers who live a life where the only voice in their life that speaks positively of/to them is the chud on social media trying to groom them into an angry incel. Let’s be better than blaming children for the fact that we as a society have given up the act of raising kids in favor of generating more shareholder value. It’s not the kids’ fault that both of their parents probably work 50+ hour weeks to survive and youtube is the only parent in the house most of the time

  • Flickerby@lemmy.zip
    134·
    2 days ago

    Sex is supposed to be a fun bonding experience. I see no problem. If you can’t have dumb fun with your naked bestie who can you have fun with

    • ameancow@lemmy.worldEnglish
      31·
      13 hours ago

      Tell that to the entire generation of young people, young men in particular, who have grown up being fed absolute bullshit and nonsense from youtube influencers, fountains of porn, and forums of incels screaming about their kinks and self-flagellating in shame because because they haven’t learned emotional regulation yet.

      Birth rates are crashing. People have stopped dating in rates that are literally disastrous for our future. People take relationships and sex so seriously now that we’ve basically drawn battle-lines between the sexes and everyone is mortally scared of everyone else and even more insecure and lonely than ever.

        • ameancow@lemmy.worldEnglish
          1·
          4 hours ago

          I don’t think the causes are being studied nearly as much just showing the data that there is very sharp drop in people’s desires to have families.

          Socioeconomics is a huge part of it, but it’s not the only part. We could do a helluva lot more in the USA by just introducing even the most modest socialist programs like nationalized healthcare and more support for poor families trying to raise kids.

          Conservative pundits and nutcases like Elon Musk pound on this as a racial issue, people claim that it’s part of a “great replacement” but that ignores the giant hole in their claim that even in undeveloped and more socialist countries birth rates are dropping and people are becoming less social. Letting in more migrants may save places like South Korea (who presently are in the situation where their women have to each have five kids, and their kids each have to have five kids or cities will collapse) but it’s not a long-term solution because the places migrants come from are also feeling the effect of this mystery syndrome, it just takes longer to catch up.

          I have a strong feeling it’s going to be shown that population intelligence, fertility and happiness are directly tied to how much time we spend on the internet scrolling for interesting content or reading forums. Good content or bad, my personal belief is our brains probably weren’t wired to be able to handle reading and seeing so many conflicting ideas, thoughts and voices in a constant, never-ending firehose of content. I don’t think regulating or banning the internet is the answer, but we are absolutely going to have to change our relationship with it and we have to tear down the giant corporations trying to figure out ways to keep you glued to it longer.

          • DylanMc6 [any, any]@lemmy.mlEnglish
            1·
            2 hours ago

            Are you saying that unless we tear down all the monopolies (whether by way of reform or revolution (or both)) and encourage collective action, the film Idiocracy might come true, but hundreds of years earlier?

      • minkymunkey_7_7@lemmy.world
        3·
        13 hours ago

        Nature eventually balances itself in an environment, in a ecosystem.

        Just a few years ago the billionaires were running the story in all media that the world is too overpopulated and can’t handle more than 9 billion and there won’t be enough resources. Suddenly after covid they realize that they need the wage slave feudal system for their power and now boo hoo nobody is making children anymore.

    • potoooooooo ✅️@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      1 day ago

      The naked grandmother and former meth addict I met on Facebook dating?

      You think I’m making a tasteless joke, but now who’s the one being judgmental?

    • ameancow@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      13 hours ago

      You have isolated the chief difference between progressives and conservatives.

      One side can laugh at themselves and sex and can get on with their day, the other can’t get off unless they feel overwhelming shame and fear and need some kind of Pro-wrestling-level drama and narrative behind their life before they can even make sense of their sexual feelings.

    • Instigate@aussie.zone
      19·
      2 days ago

      It’s been a long while since I’ve seen an interrobang in the wild - you are a gentleperson and a scholar my good chum!

    • ngdev@lemmy.zipEnglish
      30·
      2 days ago

      bc if you laugh it reminds me that my tiny peen is a joke and the erection goes away

      • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.todayEnglish
        1015·
        1 day ago

        Unless you’re like 1.5 in 10,000(.015%),I can assure you your average or slightly above.

        Edit: can’t help myself, there’s an abnormal amount of angry small dick fuckers here(of which, you are not one!).

          • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.todayEnglish
            99·
            2 days ago

            Edit to also add; my bad for making someone else feel better about themselves. I’ll try not to make that mistake again.

          • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.todayEnglish
            511·
            2 days ago

            I would ask you to look it up.

            Edit to add; micropenis affects about .015%. I find it weird others are disagreeing.

            • wischi@programming.dev
              242·
              2 days ago

              I think they disagree because not having a micropenis (in the medical sense) doesn’t imply that you are above average.

              Assuming penis length is distributed normally exactly 50% of people are below average. If you remove 0.15‰ from that you are practically still left with about 50% that don’t have a micropenis and are below average.

                • wischi@programming.dev
                  21·
                  2 days ago

                  Nice though experiment, but doesn’t hold up to scrutiny on many levels (not meant in a condescending way, just to spinn that thought experiment further)

                  First, we can’t even agree on how/what to exactly measure with penis length. Even if we fixed that, the actual distribution itself doesn’t have buckets (like size ranges) but would contain all data points individually. If we measure with unreasonably high precision and assume that penis length is a real (in a mathematical sense) number than there is a 0% chance that two people have the same penis length and there would be no person that has an exactly average penis length.

                  Stepping back from this thought experiment, there is data for penis length and the standard deviation is wider than most people would expect, it’s far from 90% being average unless your average bucket is something like 5-20cm

              • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.todayEnglish
                12·
                1 day ago

                I didn’t talk my penis. But I’m certain yours is small.

                Edit: whoa whoa whoa, I’m not sure what I said in context. But I did NOT mean to insult you like it sounds!

              • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.todayEnglish
                912·
                1 day ago

                Homie, there is no swaying me.

                Someone felt bad about themselves and I presented them with a counter.

                Fuck it, maybe I have a micro peen? And I was just trying to help out a fellow homie.

                Edit to add: doesn’t matter if they do or not!

                What’s important is it not being fucking important!

                Edit edit: I think that last line is one of coolest things I ever typed.

                • wischi@programming.dev
                  111·
                  2 days ago

                  I really appreciate people helping other people especially because the internet is often such a harsh and toxic place, but I don’t think presenting a counter that’s factually wrong really helps.

                  And you are right, it’s not important. I mean it’s not even a requirement to have a penis at all for intimacy. So unless you don’t have a tongue, no hands (not even 10 fingers required) you should be ok. You could also try toys.

                  Penis length is often an ego thing and that’s hard to fix in a lemmy comment.

              • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.todayEnglish
                62·
                2 days ago

                Lol, thanks for trying to use that as a cudgel. I’m comfortable with the size of my bits.

                But thanks for focusing on that.

                Edit to add: this entire interaction started with me telling someone they didn’t have one!

                This is really not a good look for you homie, trying to dog pile on at the last minute…

                • FishFace@piefed.socialEnglish
                  32·
                  1 day ago

                  But you’re still the first to mention it. Why are you telling someone they don’t have a micropenis when they didn’t say anything to suggest they had one? It makes no sense. That’s why your thread was so off the rails, because you started a massive non sequitur.

    • MouldyCat@feddit.uk
      12·
      2 days ago

      And if I was her, I’d wait til you were fingering my asshole then say, “Told you I’d put a ring on it”