open a savings account

It’s one thing to have an account. It’s another thing to be able to put money in it. I’m lucky if I don’t have to take money out of my savings all month. About half my clothes have holes in them, and I keep thinking, “Maybe next paycheck I can go shopping.” But by the time next paycheck comes, it pretty much all goes to rent, food, fuel, or whatever else is more dire than new clothes.

I find myself scrolling here less because of all the doomerism and bad news. It’s just exhausting to be bombarded with it all day.

“Maybe you feel the need to compensate, but that doesn’t mean everyone does.”

For real though, that’s bizarre. It’s okay to not perform at 100% all the time, that’s how you fast track to burn-out. Thank goodness my workplace isn’t of the “grind employees until they’re dust” mentality. Last time I showed signs of work stress, my boss actually sat with me to plan out some mental health days for the coming months.

I usually don’t bring up things I don’t get or care to get because inevitably someone chimes in to start elaborating about the topic anyway. Like they missed the part where I said, “I don’t care.”

One thing I don’t care to get is actors/celebrity stuff. I have a touch of face-blindness as well as ADHD, so I haven’t seen as many films as most people seem to have watched. When people bring up an actor and I tell them, “I don’t know them and I don’t care,” it’s like they feel compelled to start listing things the person was in regardless. Then I’m subject to a list of movies, none of which I’ve ever seen, all while they keep trying to trigger a memory in my brain that doesn’t exist. No matter how many times I say, “I don’t watch a lot of movies” or “I struggle to recognize novel faces,” the same thing seems to happen 10 out of 10 times such a topic arises. It’s so weird. I just want to move onto another topic. I don’t know, I don’t care, and nothing you say is going to spark recognition of some rando celebrity. Just let it go.

The main celebrities I’ll be aware of are those who voice act. I’m an adult, but honestly I prefer animation. I can recognize a voice in a cartoon. Ah but the celebrity-fans don’t usually recognize voice actors. Funny that. Maybe I should turn the tides next time by talking about Frank Welker’s animal voices or something.

I’m not worried about being directly hit, as it would be a quick death I’d never even be aware of.

But I’m terrified of being in the blast zone and surviving, as that means a slow, painful death by disintegration. When the radioactivity prevents one’s cells from dividing, the countdown clock has begun and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

There’s one of these in a shopping center around me. I flip it off every time I see it.

I mean, I deliberately drive near it, stop, roll down my window, put my arm out, and flip it off very intentionally.

I don’t care if it knows me. I’ve made no secret of my hatred for authoritarianism throughout my life. I’ve gone to more protests than I can count. Besides, if authorities really wanted to do something to me, they’d readily make things up anyway. They don’t need an excuse, so I might as well express myself.

This shit is dystopian as fuck and every time I see it or it blasts out its message about us being watched, it boils my blood.

Fuck it all. This is not okay.

Ha, yes. I actually just had a funny moment about this a few weeks ago. I spent a lot of time as a teen in Canada (I live in the US.) One of my coworkers, by sheer coincidence, came from the same town I used to visit.

We were talking the other day and I mentioned that I had sushi for the first time in Canada. She asked where and I was like, “Oh, I don’t remember the name, but I know where it was.” She mentioned a name, which didn’t initially ring a bell, so I opened a map. I zoomed in on where I remembered walking until I found the spot, and instantly laughed. It was, indeed, the exact same place my coworker named.

It’s been over 20 years, but if I were to go to Canada and take the train into that town, I’d still be able to walk to that sushi place without any help.

money is preventing research into those effects.

Its not a conspiracy.

Wait…

I put off going to such places as long as I can. Sometimes I’ll think, “I could go to Costco after work,” but once work is over I’m like, “Bruh, no, I do not have the energy to put up with that crowded place.”

I’ve been seeking out small, more specific stores lately. I already don’t want to go to Walmart or Target for a number of reasons. Despite knowing they’ll have what I need and it’s not far away, I’ll go farther just to visit the smaller hardware store, or smaller grocery store, or smaller housing goods store, etc. Even without the ethical issues, dealing with the sheer size of those places is too much.

I really hope our generation of collective anxiety could bring about at least one benefit - the downfall of massive stores like Walmart and Target.* Granted, it won’t happen for a while (if at all, especially in rural places), but I highly doubt we’re as rare as we feel we are. Big box stores had their moment, for a generation that wanted that. But times change, people’s preferences change, and just as those stores once drove out local competition, someday the tides can turn again.

*Costco can stay, though. They treat their employees well.

All the people saying, “I’d just die,” remember that neolithic peoples (hell, all people up to the present day) rely on social bonds. You don’t have to possess every survival skill, just enough skills to be an asset to a community of mutual-support.

I already educate children, and regardless of society’s form I’d probably continue to do so because it’s vitally important. Also as someone well-practiced in a variety of handicrafts, I suspect I’d find my niche quite comfortably. Making useful things from limited resources, teaching others how to make such things, and teaching children the knowledge I’ve accumulated throughout my life, I think there’s bound to be a place in a stone age community for someone like me.

I think too many people are encouraged not to use their brains, at least here in the US. Questioning things is discouraged from childhood, while conformity is rewarded. People are terrified of standing out, or at least of having the appearance of “causing trouble.” It’s drilled into every generation at least til Z (I have no information on how gen Alpha is faring yet.) I’m Gen Y/Millennial and for sure my public schools, in a blue state, were very heavy on punishment and shutting down student dissent, even when the students are objectively right (like when a teacher shares a false idea as fact.) Those who stood back and watched didn’t get in trouble, and learned impactful lessons on what happens to those who dare question what they’re told. We’ve been trained for authoritarian rule since our youth, and some people wholeheartedly believe whatever their authority tells them. Their ability to critically think/think for themselves has atrophied.

Even when there’s a spark of understanding, pressure to remain in the “in-group” can override it. Cognitive dissonance lulls them back to the apparent safety of their “tribe,” where everything is as they believe it is, and some strong ruler is totally looking out for them. New ideas aren’t rewarded in this system, so there’s little point in trying to learn things. In fact if they learn too much, they could risk being alienated because of it. Again, that’s a big no-no. Must remain with the in-group.

The good news is, plenty of people break out of these cults groups. Those who do break out can attest to how bad it is. I really can’t overstate the amount of allegiance and deference we’re taught to give to others, and I’m not surprised so many people have taken the easy route and straight-up surrendered their brains. It’s all they’ve ever known.

we’re on a weird little island between everything else

New state slogan

I live in a city because searching for affordable housing doesn’t leave much choice. Waiting lists are months or even years long, so when a spot opens up, you take it.

I lucked out massively by landing the neighborhood I got. Traffic has its moments (mainly when events are going on at the local arena), but not any worse than I’ve experienced elsewhere outside the city. The walkability is a huge plus that outweighs it anyway, and is something that I never had in the suburbs.

It’s not heaven, but it’s certainly not hell. That said, I didn’t have a choice, and that’s the real issue at the heart of it all.

Being trained in behavioral psychology and watching my girlfriend’s sister with her dogs is torture to me.

She’s got a good boi who barks for attention. She gives him attention every fucking time. He’ll be barking away in the corner while we try to talk, and instead of taking him outside or something, she calls him over to her and pets him.

I see this over and over again and think, “It’s no wonder he barks so much, when she reinforces him for it constantly.”

It drives me nuts and honestly makes me not want to go over to her house. I really want to say something, but I don’t want to be that person coming in and giving unsolicited advice to others about how to train their pets. So I just watch it happen over and again and suffer in (bark-filled) silence.

Edit to add: Also, my brother and his kids. This one hurts more for a number of reasons. He complains about how our mom raised us, but then does the same shit with his kids, never connecting the dots. Meanwhile I learned what not to do by watching my mom. Then through education and working in the field, not only have I been vindicated for the way I interact with kids, but I learned lots of new skills that could help the kids learn appropriate behavior while maintaining their self-esteem. But when my brother’s around, he’s all, “I’m their parent and I’ll raise them my way.” Even his own parents-in-law told him, “You listen to Whats_your_reasoning, she knows what she’s talking about.” But no, I’ve got to not do the things I do every day that could help his kids and his life in the long run because he doesn’t want to hear it.

What the actual fuck

Well yeah, just being an asshole doesn’t make money. But when you see how easily people are tricked into giving away their money to unethical actors, it’s easy to see one’s own conscience as a roadblock. Like, “If I would feel comfortable scamming people, I could be rich.” But I’m not comfortable scamming people, even if it would be easy. Ergo, my conscience keeps me from making easy money.

So that’s why Miami’s nickname is “Magic City”? It all makes sense now.

Tangential, ever get to see an aerial view of your own neighborhood? It’s pretty cool. My brother and I are both pilots, though he’s current with it while I haven’t flown in years. He visited my parents’ place some time ago and I got to ride along and take pictures of our old neighborhood from above, while he got to fulfill a childhood dream of flying into/out of the local airport (where we used to sit and watch planes doing exactly that.) It was amazing. :)

I’d be concerned about monied motives driving suggestions. Even if it starts out neutral, how can we as consumers be sure it won’t become corrupted? Enshittification is par for the course these days, I’d be extremely wary about relying on an app to tell me real, unbiased price info unless its mechanisms and sources are (and remain) completely transparent.

Maybe from above. Walking around in-person, I’d be saddened by the lack of trees, color, interesting architecture. I don’t even see any parks or playground equipment - where is the life? Is there anywhere the people can go outside and meet up? There’s no sprawling gardens filling up backyards, no pools, no firepits… I grew up in the suburbs and we had all of the things I’ve mentioned in this post. Even the city-building games I play show more vibrant life than this image.