“What’s the password?”

“If my ass you wish to see, answer this riddle to me”

“I’ve got the stuff, do you have the money?”

POV: you’re boobs

Betcha Eric is Uranus

This Trump guy… always changing names, never pronouns. So boring

They do this so often it’s amazing. They like villains but forget that villains most often lose

Sounds like the name of a kickass Rick & Morty episode

Sounds like it worked

Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt

So does HBO

Ooooh, now that Last Week Tonight episode makes so much sense

Now you can choose between a platform owned by the far-right and a platform owned by the far-left.

EDIT: Lemmy being Lemmy. Gonna say it again. FUUUUUCK COMMUNISM. FUCK IT ALL THE WAY UP ITS ASS. FUCK ALL COMMUNISTS. DEMOCRACY FOR THE FUCKING WIN. Move to China and see how much they actually love you. I’ll read your story in an article like this: https://www.nbcnews.com/world/russia/american-family-moved-russia-seeking-better-life-got-drawn-war-ukraine-rcna220463

Every time one of you “Mamdani is right-wing” communist cunts downvotes me and presumably has their blood pressure spike to dangerous levels I reward myself with a cookie.

https://www.pastemagazine.com/music/noah-kahan/pooping-on-the-floor-at-concerts-escalation?md5=f82a411af4f399843db06d7bd150841e

A big part of that social contract is the golden rule: “Don’t shit on the floor.”

This is why Noah Kahan will never be as cool as Mr. Bulldops. He always lets us shit on the floor at his shows. https://youtu.be/4ctK1aoWuqY?t=34

EDIT: Also, I’m sorry, but this is the funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life

I dunno, I could really go for a pizza right now…

It’ll make its way through. Just give it a few thousand years

My room came out as trans in 2019. The entire family was very supportive.

Dude who slipped on ice is defo gonna shock himself scratching his ass with these

Lame. Next.

My cats reveal that I am the most generous and loveable human

The fact that you’re denying it makes me think you actually are a cat

Yea! My family didn’t have slaves! My family were poor! Do you have any idea how much a slave cost back then?

https://youtube.com/shorts/2DehCxVeVBw