I do all the vacuuming here.
Considering neither me nor the wifey are fertile, I think this is easily debunked and closed, then label as “incel drivel” and thrown into the fire.
Username is definitely relevant. :)
I would consider your comment to be far more truthful and accurate than what is pictured in the OP.
Have a good day.
Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?
My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.
Pretty sure that’s my first gag-upvote. Thanks, I guess.
Why, thank you, I’ve just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.
Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇
I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.
Wow what a cycle that must have sucked
if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?
No, for that you have to fill her up.
Fill her up with love 🥺👉👈
Few squirts of liquid love
Real
Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.
That sounds like Strong Bad’s alter ego.
The Cheat is vacuuming.
The Cheat is ovulating.
No relation.
We all know that won’t work. Try this instead.
Idk, this piece of advice legitimately works on my wife.
I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.
Bitches love cheddar
I tried this with my fiance with a dairy allergy and now I’m single again.
The stinkier the cheese, the more the fascination!
Fascinating
🖖
also: username checks out
Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.
Wait, all opiods? If so does that man that heroin addicts could have a few slices of cheese and use less smack? Gotta have the healthier option, ya know
I read that as “a slice of milk” and like. Technically yeah it’s not wrong
I keep stealing shoes, and filling it with rue, but all it’s given me are shouting matches
Bro, plastic cheese…
Bro, that’s cheese coated in wax.
It blows my mind that someone cool, intelligent, and attractive enough to read Vonnegut doesn’t know such a basic cheese fact.
👉👈
True love right there
That’s kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.
I mean, if he makes it himself or knows the people who do, he probably gets it a lot cheaper than at the store.
Would marry that farmer. No questions asked, no long engagement. Straight to the court house, we’re getting hitched.
My ex gf and i used to steal each other fancy cheeses. It was the most intense love i have ever felt.
How do you steal each other fancy cheeses? Or steal fancy cheese from each other?
So, you steal a fancy cheese, right? Then you give it to your girlfriend. Then maybe she steals a fancy cheese that reminds her of you and passes it off. Now youve stolen each other fancy cheeses.
From where though? The fancy cheese store? Does every town have one of these for purposes of romantic theft?
It’s called a fromagerie, pleb
Wherever.
My mom and I used to steal fancy cheese for each other. God I miss that woman like you can’t believe. 10/10 mom and person.
This made me cry.
Ha. She’s one worth crying over. Lost her in April, and I don’t know that I’ll recover. Hug your loved ones. ♥️
But I will tell you, she taught me how to steal fantastic cheeses, and we never went hungry again. Haha.
“Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are.”
Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.
no wonder it didn’t work, that’s not even cheese
Nilered did a video on this, it’s technically at least cheese-adjacent
i mean, so is grass
It’s cheese, with stuff added to it. The stuff being more milk and some shit to keep it solid at room temperature as well as shelf-stability. It’s essentially a solidified cheese sauce. You can even make it at home.
But why would you?
Road trip nachos. The cheese only melts when you get into Death Valley.
He failed though. Arrest him, and bring me someone taller.
Edit: or better at jump shots.
The cheese is under my foreskin
To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.
Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.
Works for a lot of men too. I mean not me. I prefer mozzarella.
That shoe one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women’s shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.
If they were all the same size, perhaps amputee?
Or maybe a really specific fetish.
Maybe both.
Quite possibly a question best left unanswered, at least until you no longer live there
Maybe they robbed a shoe store. On displays they frequently leave one shoe from a pair so that stealing them just nets you a pile of left shoes lol
That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know anything about women to dispute it.
Poe’s law
TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅
Every day here and I don’t even have ovaries!
Possibly like “false pregnancy” in dogs?
I’m in heat thanks to climate change.
Where the fuck do you keep all the eggs? Do you have a walk in fridge?
In europe we store our eggs unrefrigerated
The chicken ones, sure, but are all your climates mild enough that they hatch like that?
Congrats! 🎉🎉🌻
The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.
What’s sad about learning something new and getting laid?
I sincerely hope you’re /s ing.
Lol. I hoped that would be obvious.
Hi. Welcome to the Internet.
Have a look around 🎶
Kids these days don’t remember the internet before /s, where you had to use context to tell of someone was being sarcastic or not.
Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.
Certainly, m’lady!
And some woman will have a good laugh and a narrow escape
Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.
Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.
Why not both?
Of course, I forgot answer C. All of the above.
Pretty sure it’s a joke.
We live in a post irony world and I literally can’t tell the difference without knowing the source.
In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.
And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.
… not forgetting to add a term of endearement, such as “sweetie”, “honey” or “babe”.
I think “toots” has been overlooked in this comment
If she doesn’t, tell her she’s acting crazy.
Bonus points if you instead say she is being hysterical.
Some females respond better to positive reinforcement. Ask her to give you a little spin/twirl to break the tension and get her moving.
I saw the reply in my inbox and had a reaction to “females” there, like “ugh, not one of THESE folks who still talk like that.” Because I didn’t remember the nature of this thread until I got back into the comments :)
Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy im arguing with points that out.
My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.
I pretty much always want pasta… Maybe I’m always experiencing menses.
hang on, I feel there could be false positives there. Did she ever want pasta when she wasn’t on her period?
yeah it seems like one of those things where you’ll probably almost definitely see some kind of behavioral change, but what specifically is basically completely up in the air. My chronic suicidal ideation will flare up really bad right before I begin menstruating. Having an IUD means menstruating a lot less but it also makes it less predictable. So I’ll be in this deep dark hole for a few days that I would swear up and down is the worst I’ve ever felt and it’s never gonna get any better then one morning I’m taking a piss and my boxers have blood on them and I’m just like “…ooooooh.”
Damn I guess I’ve never ovulated in my life
