Lost my virginity when I was 38. I simply viewed (and still view) sex as the ultimate expression of love, and it took me 38 years to fall in love with someone. She was in the same situation, only a few years younger. We’ve been happily married for a long time, and we still view sex the same way.
I’m a decade younger, but I’m sure I’ll still be a virgin at 40 and beyond.
I have had a lifelong lack of libido (so it has not been caused by any sort of medications or anything). I also have the inability to feel sexual pleasure. I have tried all different kinds of ways of masturbating and none of them have felt like anything. May as well just be touching my forearm. Puberty was confusing as fuck as I couldn’t relate to any of my peers in this way. So I’ve always felt pretty broken.
I don’t really like other people touching me, especially strangers. I have tried kissing a couple of times before and I didn’t understand how I was supposed to do it like physically…how you’re supposed to move your mouth/facial muscles or whatever. It just tasted like spit and was wet and wasn’t pleasant.
Mostly I’m fine with it, but sometimes I get a bit sad that I’ll never be able to have a deep lifelong, human connection with someone, raise kids, etc.
I get that I can try to find connections within the asexual community, but it’s incredibly small and hard to find someone in my same age in my same geographical area.
Oh also I have intense social anxiety which doesn’t help.
Have you tried talking to a therapist about this, maybe it’s just the way you are but it could also be something that could be fixed with medication and therapy
Did you know that anti depression meds cause a lack of sexual interest in both males and females? Maybe that is the cause of your current situation
I am fully aware. But notice I said that the issue for me has been lifelong. During and after pubertal age, I never developed in that manner. I have been taking an SSRI for only the past few months. That leaves 15+ years prior to taking an SSRI or any sort of medications whatsoever where I had no libido. In my case, it was not caused by any medication. It was lifelong.
You may have chronically low testosterone but this is an issue you would need to discuss in detail with your doctor.
Aces exist, there is nothing wrong with not feeling sexual desire or attraction. If it doesn’t upset her or effect her life in a way she doesn’t like then she doesn’t need medical intervention.
As someone who is demi and has lived many years at a time as essentially ace, it’s frustrating to hear people consistently downplay asexuality as a physical ailment. No, some people are just like this, it’s as valid an orientation as any other.
The point of kissing is that human cheeks have more pheromones than most parts of the human body. When you kiss someone, your nose almost unaboidably ends up near that other person’s cheek. When you sense the other person’s pheromones, you will feel good or very good or, seldom, repulsive, depending on how different the person’s immune system is from yours or how close a relative the person is.
The part with lips touching each other is actually mostly irrelevant, but because people generally don’t know the actual point of why our species likes kissing, that’s the way they get their noses positioned correctly.
I would imagine that if you are as completely asexual as you say, you probably won’t feel much anything when kissing unknown people.
I guess kissing your parents’ cheeks has felt nice in your childhood, though? It’s also about pheromones, but of course not the same ones as with a romantic partner, so the feeling is different and maybe possible for you to feel?
I have no idea how people agree to have sex. And I get panic attacks in relevant situations.
I’m quite sure I was in a situation of mutual attraction with at least several people so far, but then what? … someone has to say something or suggest having sex. And that’s not me.It doesn’t start with sex, it starts with a kiss or a touch. You can also just make it literal and tell the person you’re attracted to them. That’s what usually worked for me, communication is key.
I sometimes say “wanna fuck about it?” And it normally works okay.
Had severe chronic health problems starting from late teenagehood. When you are too sick to stand up for more than 10 minutes at a time, dating is out of the question. By the time my health turned around enough to where I was reliably semi functional I was just too old to start from scratch, and with age comes a certain level of just not giving a shit any more. I feel like I dodged a bullet honestly.
Not married yet
