I have a couple friends like this. Live with their moms, over 25, never had a job or anything. Only plays games. I feel so bad for them because they don’t think they are smart but they definitely are, they just dont spend their time wisely.
Im not judging. That life sounds great when youre young. But I dont want them to wake up at 35 and be even more depressed because they’ve never done anything in life.
It would be well and good if they were happy like this but they definitely aren’t. Im just not sure how someone like that could even integrate into society. I give them advice here and there and sometimes talk about jobs with them, but they are also self proclaimed “lazy” and never really branch out to try new things. I try to send them links to code camps and stuff like that i think they’ll enjoy, but they dont do it. I’ve offered to hang out with them when im their town (we’ve been friends for years and know each other very well so this isnt weird) but they cant drive either which makes ir hard.
I already know most replies wil be “ITS FINE TO HAVE A BORING LIFE LEAVE THEM ALONE AND STOP TRYING TO “SAVE” THEM” but a boring life is different than a healthy life, imo.
Edit: i knew there’d be a lot of misinterpretation and people self reflecting on their own lives as a result of this post. Regardless, I am glad for the discussion. Thank you to those of you who had constructive comments instead of outright attacks.
You have to understand your own limitations.
Someone, probably their mother is enabling this.
There is absolutely nothing you can do for either of these people. What you have to do is recognize that one day they will be at your door begging for support.
Get as far away from them as you can. You have no bargaining power here. Hey stop doing that thing that is so easy and come do this really shitty hard thing … because…
Listen to me man, get the fuck away from them.
Finally like others have said, you are judging them and rightfully so.
These dudes are losers. Find better friends.
“hey guys how can I help my depressed friend” “just ghost them bro”
Yeah I mean I don’t disagree that maybe theyre a lost cause but im not going to randomly stop being their friend. I may be enabling it, but its better than ghosting.
You are a good person for caring, and as long as you take care about your own wellbeing, there is nothing wrong with trying to get someone to be a better person. Imagine it like this: If you were helping a human who fell into drug addiction and homelessness recover, would you be a good or a bad person? The only difference here is the circumstances of your friends being more comfortable.
Welcome to Reddit.
Yeah there’s a lot of upset people here that i imagine came over from reddit recently. Got hostile quick.
I came over from Reddit 2 years ago. It was inevitable that the same kind of groupthink would eventually take over here.
I didn’t see where the OP pointed out that diagnosis. I saw where he worried that they would be depressed in their 30s.
Also the OP doesn’t live in the same town with them. So what is he going to do Tex them regularly.
Does somebody need a diagnosis for you to give them empathy?
Yes.
Now a days everyone has a some syndrome or another. It is amazing how many people confuse their incompetence with imposter syndrome.
Regardless if a somebody has a mental disorder, a developmental disorder, a physical disability, a mental disability, etc. they deserve respect and understanding.
Empathy is not to be confused with sympathy. Empathy is putting yourself in another person’s shoes and trying to understand their situation and feelings to the best of your ability.
Sometimes what people need is patient instruction, not judgement. If you are as competent as you seem to be at whatever you do, it should be extremely easy.
Venting to an online stranger unsolicited shows that this is bothering you a lot, so hopefully you consider heeding my advice and take it out for a spin.
Truly great people don’t look down on other people or see themselves as superior. They’re busy, y’know, being great.