Religion used to be fun.
Well someone’s gotta populate the earth
Everyone talks about the times Zeus seduced women as an animal, but no one remembers him seducing animals
😒🫸 “Any hole’s a goal.” 😎👉 “Every hole’s the goal.”
- Zeus
I remember reading once about how Zeus once fucked a lake. There was spirited debate in the comments over whether it was the personified lake as a nymph or something, or if he just jumped in the water and started thrusting. I feel team water humping had some good arguments.
Inaccurate not just mortals but everyone and everything.
Could Zeus have children with anything? And how did he fuck squirrels? Did he have a small pecker?
I mean it was often his style to transform into some sort of animal (e.g. bull or swan) to lure women in with his beauty. So he might have spent some time as a squirrel too and his pecker was probably any size he wanted. A bunch of fabled beasts come from such adventures like the minotaur from his bull phase with Europa.
He was a god, of course his pecker was small, as was the style at the time
Hung like a god then
People forget that the old gods did evolve in how they were envisioned and that there was never a clear answer to what exactly the portfolio of a god was. The Greek Gods were never as “well defined” as we envision them today. Belief was always a cryptic and very individualized thing before churches that were bigger, more hierarchical and more encompassing than entire nations got to define how a god aught to be seen.
For this it is important to know that Zeus, also carries facets of a fertility god, a great procreator, from whose loins sprang the other gods and many a mortal hero. It is his literary role as the father god to father heroes and adventurers, as the male part of the Zeus-Hera parent-godhood to embody masculinity, as a ruler god to subjugate and conquer.
Zeus is not a real thing with discernible attributes, like all gods, he is a story that changes with the needs and wants of the narrator and listeners.
To quote the latest episode of Lanterns: it’s less about preference and more about opportunity
And when youre omnipresent and omniscient, there is nothing but opportunity.
Don’t forget the literal golden shower.
