“I only want your biggest, burliest neutrinos!”

Shoulda been Abe’s head in the middle. Go the extra 15 miles!

The bones are good but the set up is lacking.

It needs to be couple’s therapy, so the wife is in the room. And, while I like the image of him crying but still going to say it, it doesn’t fit with the new setup, so you’d have to change him to being unable to help himself.

For brevity, maybe just change the last line to:

my wife: …I swear to God, Jon. Don’t.

If huge bombin’ gnorks don’t wring a drop of serotonin outta ya, then your soul has the problem, not the boob machine.