*Does downward dog against the toilet bowl and loudly fire-sprinklers shit all over the bathroom and self*

Shh. Not a- oh… Right. The joke…

See? Wild!

Yes, if you ever replace your clutch and forget to put in the clutch bearing, you can hear how much of a difference is made by touching any part of your transmission controls.

Also, be gentle with your clutch pedal. If you break your clutch fork, you’ll possibly be unable to shift at all, or you’ll only be able to engage the clutch by manually lifting the pedal with your foot. If this happens and you have an adjustable clutch, you’ll find yourself shifting by navigating the longest clutch throw known to any consumer vehicle and end up with the world’s beefiest left leg.

Remember that time that God told Moses to strike the rock so that the people could drink water. Later, Moses struck the rock again without instruction from God, and God was all like, “oh, that’s cool. I’m a super-chill and reasonable being; you don’t gotta ask me for permission to end your own suffering.”

Oh wait, I’m misremembering what God said. I believe it was actually something along the lines of, “I’ll fucking kill you, Moses. I’m gonna make you slave and toil to bring these people, who I’ve expressed nothing but hated for, to the land that you’ve dreamt of seeing, and then I’m gonna fucking kill you right before you get to see it. You know what, motherfucker? Write that shit down. You’re gonna write a fucking book about how powerful I am compared to you little shits, and you’re gonna write about your little fuck-up, and how I’ll fucking kill you. I decide when the suffering ends!”

So, yeah. Let’s assume that so these pious assholes and their moody invisible friend are right/real. What part of their book has ever indicated that God wants them accelerating his plans?

Clean your lens

Candyman had a Skin Unit

Star Wars Kid was so ahead of his time. Nowadays, that video would just be the first in a series called “can I train to be a Jedi in 30 days using only household objects?”

I enjoy knowing that, while this conversation is happening publicly on the Internet, we are the only two people laughing at this right now.

😆 This👆

OMG, Gary! I was told you died! But here you are, on my phone, asking me for my crypto wallet password. Anything for you, Skinny Alive Gary!
It’s W4teV3r18uy!5G0iN9UPmYBu77

Smash cut to me in college, freaking out, and rushing across campus because I woke up late for my final, and then wondering why it was so dark at 3:30 PM. Even better was when I later actually slept through my final.

Yeah, I rented the theater for my best friend’s bachelor party. But a nice home theater setup is so amazing. The living room at my house is smaller than what I had at my apartment, but that just means that the TV is larger in comparison, and the 5.1 surround sound that I upgraded from a used Sony to a used Yamaha fills the room that much more.

Did you know that you can rent a theater? Back when I did it, it was relatively affordable: about $200 for 2.5 hours. I went with a small group of friends and we played Halo

I didn’t even know what that number says

What did you say??? Grrrrrr… Oh, BAT! Yes, I am vengeance.

If you see a two-digit number beginning with 1, drop the first number and subtract two from the second number. If your sum is negative, it’s that many hours before noon.

If your number begins with 2, do the same thing. If your number is negative, it’s that many hours before 10pm.

My sleep schedule is shit. I set everything to 24 hours so that I don’t wake up at 8 PM and think that I’m late for my work at 8 AM.

Oof. That movie was a hard watch when I was a kid. I added it to my collection recently, thinking that I was too young to appreciate it, but I still haven’t been able to finish watching it.