and how would an elder start looking for friends or recreational activities for seniors? I don’t even know what’s available.
my father has always been republican, never a maga type, just old school republican.
The last message he sent me was more a rant against everything that’s wrong with the world together with some immigrant blaming and talking about an invasion. He also wrote how he misses when I was 5. He is usually more articulate, this message was all over the place.
My mother is Mexican and I’m half Mexican. Make it make sense.
On my answer, I asked him if my mother should be deported, if he is feeling lonely or angry and if he meets people in real life other than my mother or he spends his time watching slop and listening to right wing media.
I also told him talking about immigrants the way he did to me is the perfect way to end up alone or in a right wing bubble because nobody sane wants to talk to somebody with so much disregard for people wanting a better life.
He also wrote something about how AI makes people stupider, which I agree with and asked him if he is sure this isn’t something exactly happening to him right now with the message he sent me, just hoping he snaps out of it.
I suggested, if he feels alone he may contact social services, but I have no idea if they actually help seniors find new people.
I also wanted to suggest he goes to a nursing home but it doesn’t seem to be the ideal place for a competent senior to meet new people, does it?
If you ever did this, what worked for you?
Just a general advice, even when your father writes something completely outlandish, try not to “debunk” it. Instead ask soft, nonconfrontational questions to help him find the truth on his own. Be clear about nonreliable sources, but don’t dwell and always approach with curiosity (“Fox news is not a good source. Have you seen it somewhere else? I’d like to learn more”). The goal is to be seen as a partner. Nobody likes to be lectured, and parents in particular usually reject their children’s attempts to teach them anything.
now that you mention this, me and my father had a similar convo like a year ago. I reacted like you wrote and he stopped it for a bit. It seems he forgot.
The other option would he he’s always been this conservative but always managed to hide it and now he either cannot anymore or doesn’t care.
how depressing.
That’s the way I do it. My dad started distrusting most of academic science, so every time he is telling me something outlandish about spiritual things I just say that I view those things differently and then tell him how and why.
Just a soft disagreement, not more not less. I want him to know how I think, I wanna understand why he feels that way.
how can you remain so cool headed? Because my father has worked in academia and now he sometimes acts like a maga moron spewing their points without even questioning them. It’s like he either wants or needs to be angry at something.
That’s why I wanted him to meet new people, so he gets his head out of his butt.
It’s just very sad a person I thought so highly of has become… this. And it might even be worse.
I’m not cool headed but after a while I learned I can’t fix his trust, I can only ground him by showing him my world and doing my best to keep the door open. The rest is up to him.
🤷🏼♂️ mocking and derision worked for me. Took a while but once my son got old enough to start giving her shit for it too, it went fairly smooth. Now she’s telling me about racists on Facebook and how she can’t believe people can be like that, let alone so openly. She’s come a long way but there’s still a few topics that get sideways. However, I wouldn’t recommend my style to everyone. My relationship has been fairly antagonistic for a few decades already, and I was ready to go no-contact so it was kind of a last straw situation anyways.
Different families are different, but I’m glad that worked for you. It’s like trying to get some parents to quit smoking, sometimes worrying about their health works, sometimes threatening to withhold grandchildren works, sometimes nothing works.