“relate” is the problem term in this scenario. when someone’s dad dies in a car accident and you say “my dad died fighting nazis” that isn’t “relate” that’s one-upping
when someone royally fucks up at work and you say “yea, i did the same thing. and here i am still,” THAT’S relating.
it’s not about making people feel like their situation isn’t bad, it’s about communicating that you understand. even if you don’t really
what are you looking for? heavy? brutal? melodic? symphonic? fast? slow? “metal” could include dozens of distinct sounds e.g. death, black, doom, thrash, speed, math–and on and on, with each of those divisible into even more subgenres